Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Haunting (Scary Story) by: Danielle Standiford
Jaime hated driving. To her, driving was exactly like being in a shiny metal death trap. Or not so shiny, she couldn’t really afford shiny. She had just bought a new house so of course she couldn’t afford a nice car. Buying a house for only one person was stupid, but it was a small house, and it was cheaper than a lot of places. It sucked though because she didn’t exactly live close to school.
Jaime didn’t see the car coming until it was right there in front of her and too late to do anything about it. The car hit her dead on. All Jaime was aware of was the car flipping and then everything went black.
* * *
Jaime woke up frightened. She’d been having that exact same nightmare for what seemed like a couple months so she was pretty used to it by now, but it wasn’t the nightmare that freaked her out this time though. What freaked her out was the loud bang from the kitchen that woke her.
Jaime got out of bed and walked to the kitchen keeping it dark by not turning on the lights. If there was an intruder it would be stupid to let them know she was there. However when she got to the kitchen she discovered nothing out of place and no one there.
Jamie went to check the locks on all her doors but they were still in place so she went back to bed. There was only a couple hours before she had to get up for school but when you were in college every minute is needed to stay focused.
When Jaime woke the next morning it was still dark. She was used to that because of school. She hadn’t needed an alarm clock for a long time. She supposed it was because of her internal alarm clock but it could have something to do with the nightmares waking her up off and on all night.
Jaime walked to the kitchen; turning on all the lights and remembering the events of last night. She wondered if she should call the police but decided against it. No one was here and all the doors had been locked still. It was probably all just her mind playing tricks with her. She had stepped into the kitchen and turned on the lights when a loud scream came from behind her. She spun around just in time to see a little girl standing there staring at her and then disappear into thin air.
Jaime stood there in shock. There was no explanation for what she had just witnessed. Though Jaime had always believed in ghosts to have that confirmed was startling. She wondered if that was why the house was so cheap when she bought it. It would make sense, though she thought there were laws about having to mention people dying in the house. Maybe the little girl didn’t die in the house though; maybe she was just familiar with the house, like she used to live here. She heard of ghosts doing that sometimes. She didn’t get why the ghost was just appearing to her now, though. She didn’t live in the house that long but a month is a good amount of time for ghosts to make themselves known isn’t it?
Jaime heard running in the house, but didn’t see anything when the sound of it made it to the kitchen. She did hear a male voice talking and a child crying. It was probably the little girl, and it didn’t sound like the little girl was alone. Jaime realized she probably wasn’t. She was probably with her parents, or at least a father. That would explain the male voice she could hear now.
“Who’s there,” Jaime called out. Maybe the ghosts would say who they were. She wasn’t going to make it to school today, obviously, but she could learn about the ghosts. She just bought the house, so she hoped she didn’t have to move out of the place.
The lights went out in the kitchen and then all the lights that she had turned on started going out. One booming male voice shouted the word: “Leave”. Or that was the only word she heard.
Jaime was scared now. When a ghost shouted the words “Leave” usually that meant it was time to move. That was ridiculous though for then to ask her to leave. She had been living here for a month. They were the ones who needed to leave. She decided to ignore the warning and go about her day; drinking juice and reading one of her favorite books.
A little while later Jaime heard a knock on the front door and went to answer it, but just as she was reaching out for the handle the door opened on its own. No one was there but she heard the voice of the man from earlier greeting someone. “He’s letting more ghosts in!” she thought and started to back away but stopped when she figured she could find out who these people were by what they were saying.
“Thanks for coming; we really need your help. She scared my daughter this morning. She keeps turning on the lights really early in the morning, too,” the male voice said. This was weird; Jaime didn’t know ghosts consulted other ghosts about humans moving in.
“How long ago did it start,” a women’s voice asked him. She must have been the ghost that the male ghost had let in.
“When we moved in, that was about two weeks ago,” he said. “Can you see her?”
“Yes, but she can’t see me. It seems like she doesn’t know she is dead.”
“What are they talking about?” Jaime thought aloud.
“This was her house in life,” the women continued. “She died in a car accident on her way home, to this house.”
Jaime thought of the nightmare; and she realized. She was the ghost not them.
Jaime started screaming. All the lights went on, flared extremely bright, and then shattered.
All Jaime was aware of was the car flipping and then everything went black.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Note to self
I know you're trying to not think about it. I know that's why you are immersing yourself in your schooling. It seems like it's working, right? Yet really you know it's not because I noticed you do whatever it takes to not think about it. Keep in mind; when you start to break down from all the pushed away emotion, you knew it was going to happen. Whatever you do: don't show it, people just tell you you're stupid. Or if they believe you, they sympathize and that's worse. Break down alone this time. You are not a desperate person. You are not a person who needs sympathy. You hate crying. You are not a desperate person! You are not a person who needs OR WANTS sympathy! You hate crying! YOU ARE NOT A DESPERATE PERSON! YOU ARE NOT A PERSON WHO NEEDS OR WANTS SYMPATHY! YOU HATE CRYING! If no one knows how I'm feeling this time the break down will go away quicker. It usually does. You are strong! You are happy! You are awesome! And you can do this!
Friday, August 8, 2014
Does bragging help?
So I happen to know a lot of people who brag about themselves almost constantly. They brag about where they are in life. They brag about what they've done. They brag about what they want to do and what they are doing to make that happen.
I noticed that I don't brag about myself more than a little "woo-whoo this happened sort of way". It happens and I get excited and then later I start to think that what I've done wasn't all that spectacular after all. I don't know why I sell myself short.
I am a nineteen year old female by the name of Danielle Standiford. My mother is a 42 year old woman with diabetes, heart disease, and has had three herniated disks in her back since I was young. My dad is a 50 year old truck driver for a medical company. My brother and I started helping our parents out early with household chores and getting them things. My brother is a 22 year old with a wife and son (Elias the butthead). He is in the Air force and doing great things with his life. However he lives far away and I don't get to see him much....even when he is up is Wisconsin. I had "three" sets of grandparents growing up. I had Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Dan which was my dad's dad and his girlfriend (not wife they never marries though she was always around). Then I had my Grandpa Bill and Grandma Judy which was my dad's mom and her husband (never really saw either of those two because they live in a nudist camp in florida...yeah so not gonna happen). Then there was my Grandma Diane and my Grandpa John which were my mom's parents (they were my "main" grandparents meaning I saw them more than once a year). There is a lot of drugs and alcohol problems in my family. Though I could go into all the family trouble I had I'd rather not and there really isn't even enough time either.
Despite all my setbacks where family and my past is concerned I have met almost all my goals. That is unless my goals changed first.
I was reading some questionnaire that I took in my first year of high school. It first asked where I wanted to be in five years? My answer was "in college". Today I am now not only a graduate of high school but in my second year of college.
Second; It asked what I wanted to be when I was older? I answered a doctor. Which I know that goal changed not only because I hate science but because I literally have a sort of phobia with hospitals.
Third; It asked what my favorite subject is? I answered: "Reding!" Now I know that "reding" isn't a thing and that I probably actually meant "reading" but this is my favorite answer from the questionnaire. Freshman year was the first year I actually picked up a real book to read. It sparked my imagination and made me want to be a writer which is remarkable because I sucked at writing, and grammar, and....well...writing. Of course I started to like English and Writing so much that I became better at it. Practice makes better! But reading this answer was awesome because without writing and reading I wouldn't be me right now and I wrote that answer before I became ME. The me I am now is a different me than I was then but the funny thing is that I would have answered the same....maybe in better grammar but the same answer essentially.
I am a nineteen year old female by the name Danielle Standiford and I am starting my second year of college. I already have my second year of college planned out and don't need to take loans again this year. Do to careful planning last year, though I don't have a job, I still have the funds to pay off the 600 dollar textbook fee out of pocket and still have money left for next semesters books. I am going to school to be a writer. Though I am also minor-ing in teaching because teaching a lit class to high school-ers or college students wouldn't be SO terrible. I'm in a technical college right now about to transfer to a university. I have already gotten about 5-7 short stories published online and this year during college I have a spot on the school newspaper as an opinion writer. I don't have a boyfriend or a baby yet but that means I can take this time to focus on school.
All these accomplishments...and yet I sell myself short....I should really give myself some credit. I have single handedly set out to pursue my dreams....that's amazing.
I noticed that I don't brag about myself more than a little "woo-whoo this happened sort of way". It happens and I get excited and then later I start to think that what I've done wasn't all that spectacular after all. I don't know why I sell myself short.
I am a nineteen year old female by the name of Danielle Standiford. My mother is a 42 year old woman with diabetes, heart disease, and has had three herniated disks in her back since I was young. My dad is a 50 year old truck driver for a medical company. My brother and I started helping our parents out early with household chores and getting them things. My brother is a 22 year old with a wife and son (Elias the butthead). He is in the Air force and doing great things with his life. However he lives far away and I don't get to see him much....even when he is up is Wisconsin. I had "three" sets of grandparents growing up. I had Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Dan which was my dad's dad and his girlfriend (not wife they never marries though she was always around). Then I had my Grandpa Bill and Grandma Judy which was my dad's mom and her husband (never really saw either of those two because they live in a nudist camp in florida...yeah so not gonna happen). Then there was my Grandma Diane and my Grandpa John which were my mom's parents (they were my "main" grandparents meaning I saw them more than once a year). There is a lot of drugs and alcohol problems in my family. Though I could go into all the family trouble I had I'd rather not and there really isn't even enough time either.
Despite all my setbacks where family and my past is concerned I have met almost all my goals. That is unless my goals changed first.
I was reading some questionnaire that I took in my first year of high school. It first asked where I wanted to be in five years? My answer was "in college". Today I am now not only a graduate of high school but in my second year of college.
Second; It asked what I wanted to be when I was older? I answered a doctor. Which I know that goal changed not only because I hate science but because I literally have a sort of phobia with hospitals.
Third; It asked what my favorite subject is? I answered: "Reding!" Now I know that "reding" isn't a thing and that I probably actually meant "reading" but this is my favorite answer from the questionnaire. Freshman year was the first year I actually picked up a real book to read. It sparked my imagination and made me want to be a writer which is remarkable because I sucked at writing, and grammar, and....well...writing. Of course I started to like English and Writing so much that I became better at it. Practice makes better! But reading this answer was awesome because without writing and reading I wouldn't be me right now and I wrote that answer before I became ME. The me I am now is a different me than I was then but the funny thing is that I would have answered the same....maybe in better grammar but the same answer essentially.
I am a nineteen year old female by the name Danielle Standiford and I am starting my second year of college. I already have my second year of college planned out and don't need to take loans again this year. Do to careful planning last year, though I don't have a job, I still have the funds to pay off the 600 dollar textbook fee out of pocket and still have money left for next semesters books. I am going to school to be a writer. Though I am also minor-ing in teaching because teaching a lit class to high school-ers or college students wouldn't be SO terrible. I'm in a technical college right now about to transfer to a university. I have already gotten about 5-7 short stories published online and this year during college I have a spot on the school newspaper as an opinion writer. I don't have a boyfriend or a baby yet but that means I can take this time to focus on school.
All these accomplishments...and yet I sell myself short....I should really give myself some credit. I have single handedly set out to pursue my dreams....that's amazing.
Friday, July 11, 2014
...
I just wish I could have a full day of fun without having to fight back tears when I think of how happy everyone else is at that moment. It's like I feel like I am just pretending to be happy sometimes and that makes me even more depressed. I pretend though because people are worried about me, I don't know why; I'm so depressed but the worse thing I do is cry randomly. I am not one to even think about suicide...which is something I like about myself I guess. When I randomly start crying though my mom freaks; like I'm not aloud to be depressed. What really pisses me off is when she talks about sending me to Mississippi...like that would make me feel BETTER! No that would be the worst thing to happen to me right now. Now if we went to Orlando for the Harry Potter Diagon Alley....lol no but seriously I wanna go SO badly! Harry Potter is good for me right now lol!
Friday, June 27, 2014
What's wrong?
So my mind hasn't been in a good place lately. I've not been able to sleep, wake up early and fall asleep really late, tired because of it, and I've been crying to much. I know I'm depressed but I don't know why. Well I kinda know why but I don't want to admit that that is why I'm depressed because I'm the one everyone thinks is strong, and I let them think that because that's who I want to be. I need....well I need a job for one, but I also need some time to be ok with this thing that is making me depressed and it's something I've been trying to be ok with for years but lately it's really getting to me. I don't really want to talk about it but I know that I should because that's how people get better so I figured I'd talk about it without talking about it. On here...where no one really listens anyways.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Calm before the storm
So, I've been terribly busy lately. I don't know why though. I have a job where I work, well I work more now then I did at housekeeping, but I work during the week so I have weekends (mostly) off. You would think that that would mean I have a lot of more time to do things but NO. For some reason, though I say "some reason" I actually know the reason, my stack of homework is getting larger and larger. So, I know that I only have about 5 weeks left of class including this week and not including finals week, but what REALLY is bringing up my stress level isn't the homework really; its the grades. I know what you're thinking "isn't that the same thing?" NO! It isn't. Not when you have a teacher that gives you a zero on a bibliography because of only two simple mistakes. All I did was forget to put the publication date and then alphabetize the bibliography, but I get a zero out of forty? Well that means that my grade is now an F and I only have about 5 weeks to get it up. How will I do that you ask? Why don't you tell me. I just want a passing grade that doesn't bring down my GPA...like a B. Is that so much to ask? Is it? It's gonna take a lot of work to get to that point. A lot of work and less time. Why cant it be summer? Why cant I be writing this at the computer at home knowing that all I have to do is work and then have fun? Why cant I have endless bonfires and the sound of crickets at night?
Last night the sky was beautiful with the dull hue of a storm approaching. The calm gentle greyness is what I love most about storms. It's the suspense leading to the sky opening and letting loose this awesome power. The rain pelting down and the sky letting loose a deafening CRACK of lightning that bashes away everyone's hopes of sunlight. The one moment of calmness before the world is torn asunder: that's what I love about storms. Yet yesterdays storm kinda scared me.
My life is the storm right now, wheres spring break must have been the calm before the storm. It didn't feel like that though. I felt just as stressed then as I am now. My last couple months have been hell. I was sick, started to feel better, got sick again all while I was working two jobs. Then I was working one job and it was spring break but I still wasn't feeling well (still a little sick) and my brother was up from Mississippi so everything was endless visiting with my brother or babysitting my nephew. Then after spring break (the supposed calm) I went to staying at my aunt roni's house while she was away, school, and work. And NOW.....now I'm at school, work, and endless hours of homework trying to get a passing grade.....Seriously....I'm about to break....Lets just hope I can make it until May. Then maybe the sky will lighten and sun will peak through and everything will be right with the world until the next storm comes.
Last night the sky was beautiful with the dull hue of a storm approaching. The calm gentle greyness is what I love most about storms. It's the suspense leading to the sky opening and letting loose this awesome power. The rain pelting down and the sky letting loose a deafening CRACK of lightning that bashes away everyone's hopes of sunlight. The one moment of calmness before the world is torn asunder: that's what I love about storms. Yet yesterdays storm kinda scared me.
My life is the storm right now, wheres spring break must have been the calm before the storm. It didn't feel like that though. I felt just as stressed then as I am now. My last couple months have been hell. I was sick, started to feel better, got sick again all while I was working two jobs. Then I was working one job and it was spring break but I still wasn't feeling well (still a little sick) and my brother was up from Mississippi so everything was endless visiting with my brother or babysitting my nephew. Then after spring break (the supposed calm) I went to staying at my aunt roni's house while she was away, school, and work. And NOW.....now I'm at school, work, and endless hours of homework trying to get a passing grade.....Seriously....I'm about to break....Lets just hope I can make it until May. Then maybe the sky will lighten and sun will peak through and everything will be right with the world until the next storm comes.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
waiting for anti-valentines day
So, my friend Katlyn and I made plans to go to this anti valentines day party at the majestic theater on friday. I was originally going to stay home and wallow in self pity, but my parents weren't going to go out if I did, so I asked Katlyn if she wanted to go dancing.
I am ever so glad I made these plans now that it's tuesday and my parents had a little spat and aren't talking to each other. I don't even have the advantage of reading to ignore it because I'm reading a bibliography (another one) for my history class. That sucks because now I have to hear my dad tell me my mom is a bitch and I actually have to comment "hey shut up I'm not taking a side in this". And I have to force my mom to eat because she's not hungry when she's mad.
So in doing all this I can just think "It's just until Friday", which if I was staying home I probably would have to deal with it because I'm not sure they're feeling very "happy valentines day" this year.
So that's that. Again, thank you Katlyn for being there for me. For my other friends, thanks; even though you all have boyfriends so you aren't really invited to go with us lol. Thanks, also to the random people that read my blog.
Maybe I'll actually enjoy this valentines day....we'll see.
I am ever so glad I made these plans now that it's tuesday and my parents had a little spat and aren't talking to each other. I don't even have the advantage of reading to ignore it because I'm reading a bibliography (another one) for my history class. That sucks because now I have to hear my dad tell me my mom is a bitch and I actually have to comment "hey shut up I'm not taking a side in this". And I have to force my mom to eat because she's not hungry when she's mad.
So in doing all this I can just think "It's just until Friday", which if I was staying home I probably would have to deal with it because I'm not sure they're feeling very "happy valentines day" this year.
So that's that. Again, thank you Katlyn for being there for me. For my other friends, thanks; even though you all have boyfriends so you aren't really invited to go with us lol. Thanks, also to the random people that read my blog.
Maybe I'll actually enjoy this valentines day....we'll see.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
grr
So I'm just going to take a second vent about something that someone said that's been bothering me.
So someone commented the other day (not saying whom this someone is) they were afraid that I would marry the first guy I ever dated.
Now this bothered me because, though I know they say it because that's what my brother did, but it makes me feel like they don't think I can really think for myself. Everyone knows how independent I am, heck I've had to be that way. It's not like I haven't wanted to have a boyfriend. I'm not going to marry the guy just because I let him get into my pants, it's not the 18th century. It's not like I've thought of becoming desperate and locking myself away. I've cried so many times just wondering what was so wrong with me that I cant get a boyfriend. I've watched my friends dance with guys at proms with me sitting on the sidelines hoping they don't see me cry. I've cried myself to sleep totally convinced I was ugly. It's not like I want it to be that way. I cant prove you wrong because for whatever reason I cant seem to get a boyfriend to start with.
And if I do end up marrying my first boyfriend then that's really my business. Trust my judgment because it would be my decision, and my life. It's not like I would be forcing you to marry the guy.
So that's that. That's my long venting session over with. I'm going to go spend some time with my nephew now.
So someone commented the other day (not saying whom this someone is) they were afraid that I would marry the first guy I ever dated.
Now this bothered me because, though I know they say it because that's what my brother did, but it makes me feel like they don't think I can really think for myself. Everyone knows how independent I am, heck I've had to be that way. It's not like I haven't wanted to have a boyfriend. I'm not going to marry the guy just because I let him get into my pants, it's not the 18th century. It's not like I've thought of becoming desperate and locking myself away. I've cried so many times just wondering what was so wrong with me that I cant get a boyfriend. I've watched my friends dance with guys at proms with me sitting on the sidelines hoping they don't see me cry. I've cried myself to sleep totally convinced I was ugly. It's not like I want it to be that way. I cant prove you wrong because for whatever reason I cant seem to get a boyfriend to start with.
And if I do end up marrying my first boyfriend then that's really my business. Trust my judgment because it would be my decision, and my life. It's not like I would be forcing you to marry the guy.
So that's that. That's my long venting session over with. I'm going to go spend some time with my nephew now.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
The Draaks (unfinished short story)
The familiar movements of a mares bareback as it ran calmed Jullinar only a little as she raced toward the edge of her kingdom of Draak. How could she be completely calm though? The Council of Maghi had made a decision that she was of marrying age and they had already called the suitors to her kingdom. No one could fight the Maghi though, because the Maghi were wizards. In fact, that's why there was a Council of Maghi in the first place, to keep the kingdom safe. That's not how it always turned out thought because the Maghi weren't always good people. Princes had even fled from their kingdoms to escape the Maghi never to be seen again-probably living their life solitary in the woods-just to get away. They fled because the only person or thing that could fight and defeat the Maghi were the riders of the draaks or the draaks themselves.
Dragon riders are rare, because everyone knew that to ride a dragon the dragon had to like you, which has only happened once in 400 years because the draaks were wild creatures. It's not something that you can take lightly. Especially because in the 400 years thousands of people had tried to befriend the dragons that live on the outside limits of the kingdom Draak. Well... a thousand and one now, because even though Jullinar knew that to try to befriend a draak was insane, she still thought she could do it. Not because she knew everything about them, even though she thought she did, and not because she was a super strong warrior woman capable of throwing herself out of the way of any stream of fire that was hurled her way, because though she was trained in combat she still couldn't do that, but the reason she thought she could do it was because she was the only one in 400 years that needed to become a rider of the draak to defy the Council of Maghi. Jullinar suspected that that was one of the major reasons the draaks befriended a rider in the first place. Everyone knew that the Maghi had once treated the Maghi like slaves thrashing them with whips to pull boulders for the castles of draak over 400 years ago, which was stopped by the rider. Riders get powers from their draaks, although how was a question that was never answered to her. The powers that they get are stronger than the powers of the Maghi.
It wasn't that she didn't want to get married, because she kinda did. She just wanted to marry a prince that she liked and not one the Maghi picked out for her, which was bound to happen because that's what her mother Lady Pamela had gone through. Her mother hadn't lived a terrible life, as long as the king wasn't mad at her or just mad in general. Kings in anger bring terror as her mother had always told her. It was Lady Pamela's dieing wish that she fall in love before marrying. Not only for herself but for the kingdom as well. Another rein from a king of terror would force the kingdom into ruin, Jullinar knew that. So to have her husband and King picked for her would be against everything she stood for, which for a princes is the kingdom itself.
Jullinar slowed her mare as she got closer to the edge of the kingdom. She was crazy for even thinking this could work.
"I wouldn't go any further if I was you," said a man as he edged out of the forest ahead of her. Jullinar drew her sword.
"You will let me pass," she said pointing the sword at the man staying on her horse. The man wasn't really a threatening picture though better safe than sorry. The Maghi didn't look all that threatening either. His pants and shirt looked like they had been worn for years with patches everywhere. His brown hair was disheveled with sticks, twigs, and mud covering it. It was obvious that the man was a peasant, he had been making the ground as a bed, as was obvious by his attire, and his hands were up in surrender: no sword on him. Though he still had muscle that could be used against her Jullinar didn't think this man really wanted to hurt her, he was surrendering after all. Jullinar put her sword away.
"I will let you pass," he said. "I'm just saying I wouldn't go any further if I was you."
"And why is that,"Jullinar asked. "You just came out of there did you not?"
"I'm not you am I?"
"This is silly," Jullinar said. She had no time to play word games with this man. She had to get into the woods before it got light out or the Maghi would capture her and take her back to the castle. If she was caught there would never be another opportunity. She would be watched like a dog. "I have no time for this," she said kick starting her mare into a trot again, trying to maneuver her way around the man.
"So you're going anyways? You have to know whats beyond this point!" He said running alongside her and her mare.
"Of course I do. Do I look like a fool? The Draaks are the reason I'm going in here in the first place."
"No you do not look like a fool," he said still trying to keep pace. "You look like a desperate princess!" He said the last shouting as he fell behind. Jullinar stopped; he knew who she was?
"Yes, I know you are the Princes Jullinar of Draak," he said answering her unsaid question while he came up beside her again. "And I know the predicament that you are in. I, however, know that if you would like to appeal to a dragon, the best time is at night. It is almost light out princess. It would be wise to camp out here in the woods until night falls."
"Who are you," Jullinar asked.
"My name is Jazda from the kingdom of Gudarien," he said bowing low at the waist.
"The kingdom of Gudarien is far away. How long have you made a home of my kingdom?"
"I have lived on the outskirts of the town for almost a year my lady. A tough year it has been. Would you wish to camp alongside my makeshift home for the day?" he asked still bowed at the waist.
"You may rise Jazda, and I would love to camp next to you." Jullinar got off her horse and took the mare by the reins. "I have provisions Jazda, you must be hungry."
"Thank you my lady; I am."
"Then show me to your camp. I know you are right; to go to the dragons when their fire is the strongest would be a stupid and perilous task."
When they made it to the camp, which wasn't far into the woods yet hidden very well considering the Maghi wouldn't go into the forest themselves for fear of the Draaks, Jazda built a fire while Jullinar made her tent and got out some food.
Dragon riders are rare, because everyone knew that to ride a dragon the dragon had to like you, which has only happened once in 400 years because the draaks were wild creatures. It's not something that you can take lightly. Especially because in the 400 years thousands of people had tried to befriend the dragons that live on the outside limits of the kingdom Draak. Well... a thousand and one now, because even though Jullinar knew that to try to befriend a draak was insane, she still thought she could do it. Not because she knew everything about them, even though she thought she did, and not because she was a super strong warrior woman capable of throwing herself out of the way of any stream of fire that was hurled her way, because though she was trained in combat she still couldn't do that, but the reason she thought she could do it was because she was the only one in 400 years that needed to become a rider of the draak to defy the Council of Maghi. Jullinar suspected that that was one of the major reasons the draaks befriended a rider in the first place. Everyone knew that the Maghi had once treated the Maghi like slaves thrashing them with whips to pull boulders for the castles of draak over 400 years ago, which was stopped by the rider. Riders get powers from their draaks, although how was a question that was never answered to her. The powers that they get are stronger than the powers of the Maghi.
It wasn't that she didn't want to get married, because she kinda did. She just wanted to marry a prince that she liked and not one the Maghi picked out for her, which was bound to happen because that's what her mother Lady Pamela had gone through. Her mother hadn't lived a terrible life, as long as the king wasn't mad at her or just mad in general. Kings in anger bring terror as her mother had always told her. It was Lady Pamela's dieing wish that she fall in love before marrying. Not only for herself but for the kingdom as well. Another rein from a king of terror would force the kingdom into ruin, Jullinar knew that. So to have her husband and King picked for her would be against everything she stood for, which for a princes is the kingdom itself.
Jullinar slowed her mare as she got closer to the edge of the kingdom. She was crazy for even thinking this could work.
"I wouldn't go any further if I was you," said a man as he edged out of the forest ahead of her. Jullinar drew her sword.
"You will let me pass," she said pointing the sword at the man staying on her horse. The man wasn't really a threatening picture though better safe than sorry. The Maghi didn't look all that threatening either. His pants and shirt looked like they had been worn for years with patches everywhere. His brown hair was disheveled with sticks, twigs, and mud covering it. It was obvious that the man was a peasant, he had been making the ground as a bed, as was obvious by his attire, and his hands were up in surrender: no sword on him. Though he still had muscle that could be used against her Jullinar didn't think this man really wanted to hurt her, he was surrendering after all. Jullinar put her sword away.
"I will let you pass," he said. "I'm just saying I wouldn't go any further if I was you."
"And why is that,"Jullinar asked. "You just came out of there did you not?"
"I'm not you am I?"
"This is silly," Jullinar said. She had no time to play word games with this man. She had to get into the woods before it got light out or the Maghi would capture her and take her back to the castle. If she was caught there would never be another opportunity. She would be watched like a dog. "I have no time for this," she said kick starting her mare into a trot again, trying to maneuver her way around the man.
"So you're going anyways? You have to know whats beyond this point!" He said running alongside her and her mare.
"Of course I do. Do I look like a fool? The Draaks are the reason I'm going in here in the first place."
"No you do not look like a fool," he said still trying to keep pace. "You look like a desperate princess!" He said the last shouting as he fell behind. Jullinar stopped; he knew who she was?
"Yes, I know you are the Princes Jullinar of Draak," he said answering her unsaid question while he came up beside her again. "And I know the predicament that you are in. I, however, know that if you would like to appeal to a dragon, the best time is at night. It is almost light out princess. It would be wise to camp out here in the woods until night falls."
"Who are you," Jullinar asked.
"My name is Jazda from the kingdom of Gudarien," he said bowing low at the waist.
"The kingdom of Gudarien is far away. How long have you made a home of my kingdom?"
"I have lived on the outskirts of the town for almost a year my lady. A tough year it has been. Would you wish to camp alongside my makeshift home for the day?" he asked still bowed at the waist.
"You may rise Jazda, and I would love to camp next to you." Jullinar got off her horse and took the mare by the reins. "I have provisions Jazda, you must be hungry."
"Thank you my lady; I am."
"Then show me to your camp. I know you are right; to go to the dragons when their fire is the strongest would be a stupid and perilous task."
When they made it to the camp, which wasn't far into the woods yet hidden very well considering the Maghi wouldn't go into the forest themselves for fear of the Draaks, Jazda built a fire while Jullinar made her tent and got out some food.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Alone in a world of my own making
So, my life is going like I thought it would be going. College, then homework, then work, and if I have time some fun on the side with going to the mall and small stuff like that. Thought there is something missing, I just cant seem to change that. That something that literally everyone around me had experienced or is experiencing...heck even experiencing again....but like I said I cant change it. I've taken to accepting it. I cant change it without becoming someone I don't even know so why should I be sad about it. Maybe I was trying to hard before. Maybe I'm to intimidating. Whatever it is....I don't think I really care anymore.....well.....I don't know....whatever. Lets wait until this summer to really get into it, then I'll probably be depressed again.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Monday, September 30, 2013
So many Changes
...way before...
When I was little I prayed I would go to college. Prayed that I would make a life for myself. Prayed to experience it all.
...before then...
Four or Five years ago I was a Gothic hippy that didn't read many books. I didn't really care about school even. I had barely a care in the world. I got in trouble at school for some pretty serious stuff yet not the stuff that would affect my future (thank god). I was a different person than you see today that's for sure. I still have way to many black cloths. I was ignored in school because I liked it that way. I was probably really intimidating to everyone other than my friends because only they knew what I was really like. After school I would walk home and go upstairs to spend the rest of the night only to come down when I ate. I didn't like my parents. I talked to my brother, this was of course before he moved.
...then...
4 or 5 months ago I was a 17 year old high school-er working to get into college and only really thinking about graduation that was coming up soon. I didn't have that much homework, finals were easy. I got out of school early every day and had a bunch of fun hanging out with my friend Katlyn. I didn't have a job, though I was kinda sorta looking for one. I had friends that I saw everyday and knew them like I know myself. I was timid at school because I really didn't like anybody other than my friends.
...now...
I'm an 18 year old adult now. I go to college everyday except for the weekends. On the weekends I go to work until 3 or 4 sometimes even later. I don't where black as much as I did and when I do it's usually with some kind of color added to it. I only go to my room after school when I'm really trying to concentrate on what I'm doing. I don't get out of school early that's for sure. On Mondays and Wednesdays I don't get out of school until 8:15 at night. I talk to only a couple people that I kinda like....though friends from college are different than friends from high school. I'm not even sure I can consider them friends, they are just people I talk to about school. We are two very different people that are at very different stages in our lives. Heck all of my friends are almost thirty and married. I'M 18 FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!! I barely ever have time to just have fun. I have a job now, obviously because I work every weekend, but I hate it. I'm still timid only because now it seems like people wont even like me when they get to know me. Maybe that's me. Maybe I just imagine that, however, that's how it feels right now. I'm so stressed about homework and school that I can feel myself going into a depression....If I'm not in one already that is. Maybe I am...I don't know. See 'cause when I wished to go to college it was always, "making new friends" "making my life start" "meeting new people in general" "CoLlEgE GuYs!" "fun parties every now and then" "harmless flirting" but what I didn't realize was that college was just....school, just school. I mean I knew that but I didn't think that that would be it. That's all it is right now....no fun. I'm an adult but the only thing that makes me feel like and adult is being able to buy lottery tickets (that I don't buy anyways) and having teachers swear all the time. What fun is that?
...next...
Maybe it'll be different next month. I am going to freak fest after all...there's a party I'm looking forward to.... Maybe I'll go to the loft with Katlyn. Maybe I'll get another job. Maybe I'll force myself to take off work more. Maybe....I don't know, maybe I'll stop freaking out about every homework assignment that I know I wont be able to do. Maybe I'll be able to de-stress instead of just holding it in and forgetting about it. Maybe I'll get asked out by a guy. Maybe I'll be invited to a college party. Maybe I'll just realize that college isn't what I thought it was...or maybe college will become what I thought it was. I don't know. It's all theoretical at this point. I cant read the future.
All I know is that there are so many changes going on in my life and I don't know what other changes are going to come my way. Everything is just going so fast.
When I was little I prayed I would go to college. Prayed that I would make a life for myself. Prayed to experience it all.
...before then...
Four or Five years ago I was a Gothic hippy that didn't read many books. I didn't really care about school even. I had barely a care in the world. I got in trouble at school for some pretty serious stuff yet not the stuff that would affect my future (thank god). I was a different person than you see today that's for sure. I still have way to many black cloths. I was ignored in school because I liked it that way. I was probably really intimidating to everyone other than my friends because only they knew what I was really like. After school I would walk home and go upstairs to spend the rest of the night only to come down when I ate. I didn't like my parents. I talked to my brother, this was of course before he moved.
...then...
4 or 5 months ago I was a 17 year old high school-er working to get into college and only really thinking about graduation that was coming up soon. I didn't have that much homework, finals were easy. I got out of school early every day and had a bunch of fun hanging out with my friend Katlyn. I didn't have a job, though I was kinda sorta looking for one. I had friends that I saw everyday and knew them like I know myself. I was timid at school because I really didn't like anybody other than my friends.
...now...
I'm an 18 year old adult now. I go to college everyday except for the weekends. On the weekends I go to work until 3 or 4 sometimes even later. I don't where black as much as I did and when I do it's usually with some kind of color added to it. I only go to my room after school when I'm really trying to concentrate on what I'm doing. I don't get out of school early that's for sure. On Mondays and Wednesdays I don't get out of school until 8:15 at night. I talk to only a couple people that I kinda like....though friends from college are different than friends from high school. I'm not even sure I can consider them friends, they are just people I talk to about school. We are two very different people that are at very different stages in our lives. Heck all of my friends are almost thirty and married. I'M 18 FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!! I barely ever have time to just have fun. I have a job now, obviously because I work every weekend, but I hate it. I'm still timid only because now it seems like people wont even like me when they get to know me. Maybe that's me. Maybe I just imagine that, however, that's how it feels right now. I'm so stressed about homework and school that I can feel myself going into a depression....If I'm not in one already that is. Maybe I am...I don't know. See 'cause when I wished to go to college it was always, "making new friends" "making my life start" "meeting new people in general" "CoLlEgE GuYs!" "fun parties every now and then" "harmless flirting" but what I didn't realize was that college was just....school, just school. I mean I knew that but I didn't think that that would be it. That's all it is right now....no fun. I'm an adult but the only thing that makes me feel like and adult is being able to buy lottery tickets (that I don't buy anyways) and having teachers swear all the time. What fun is that?
...next...
Maybe it'll be different next month. I am going to freak fest after all...there's a party I'm looking forward to.... Maybe I'll go to the loft with Katlyn. Maybe I'll get another job. Maybe I'll force myself to take off work more. Maybe....I don't know, maybe I'll stop freaking out about every homework assignment that I know I wont be able to do. Maybe I'll be able to de-stress instead of just holding it in and forgetting about it. Maybe I'll get asked out by a guy. Maybe I'll be invited to a college party. Maybe I'll just realize that college isn't what I thought it was...or maybe college will become what I thought it was. I don't know. It's all theoretical at this point. I cant read the future.
All I know is that there are so many changes going on in my life and I don't know what other changes are going to come my way. Everything is just going so fast.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Climbing a dangerous ladder sideways!
I've been feeling really....BLA, lately. Ever since graduation really. It's just so weird how someones life changes so fast. Three months ago I was a 17 year old high school-er with friends that I've known basically my whole life and: BAM! Three months later I'm an 18 year old going to college having to figure out how to make new friends and balance school with work, and still try to have a life and have fun.
They say that college life is some of the most fun years someone will experience. That when you are in college you meet so many knew people and accomplish so many knew things. It's very exciting to think about. So exciting that even though you're close to being there you want to get there faster.
But you also have that needling feeling like you're going to mess up. That you'll be alone. Afraid because the last time you made friends it was when you were childish enough to like someone because they let you sit by them on the bus, or gave you a piece of candy. Feeling like you might be too busy to have a life, and if you are too busy, should you care? Or should you just accept that and get through it. Feeling that you'll change again and this time it wont be for the better. Or you wont change at all and you'll stay the way you are now, and maybe that's not a good thing.
Afraid that what the stranger said was right and you're dreams really don't mater, that they're stupid, that you should do something else because it'll make you more money and you have a better chance. That you should pursue something you hate just because you're good at it.
Play it safe.
Accept that because it'll be difficult you should just quit and try to make do with what is easy. Or should I throw caution to the wind and still try. Even though in the long run it could be all for naught? Should I keep climbing the ladder sideways even though I could fall, even thought climbing sideways is more exciting, more adventurous? Even though I know it will be hard should I ignore the fact that I could fall and do it anyways because it's what I want to do?
I want to be able to say "I did" instead of saying "I tried", or worse, "I didn't try because it was too hard". I don't want to say "I settled" or "I'm not happy, but what I do is easy". I want to say "I've worked for this" and "I'm finally here".
So screw what that stranger said to me!
She doesn't know me. She doesn't know my dreams and my passions. She doesn't know what I can do and what I cant do: my limitations. She doesn't know that I've already thought long and hard about what I want to do with my life. She doesn't know that I know there are a lot of people already doing what I want to do. She doesn't know how unhappy I would be doing something just because it's easy.
She doesn't know.
She's only seen numbers on a page. She hasn't seen the way I write. Writing with passion isn't something that can be taught, or learned. Inspiring someone with words on a page is a gift not a learned talent. Talking to people and knowing the world around you, seeing the world the way I see it, cant be put on a test to be graded. It's something you have or don't have. She hasn't seen my writing and hasn't experienced the world the I do every day.
So maybe pursuing my dreams is like climbing a dangerous ladder sideways, at least I'll have fun doing it. At least if I make it to the top I'll get a standing ovation from the people who knew I could make it there, and say "I did it". And if I don't make it at least I'll be able to say "I tried" instead of wondering "what if I had?".
Maybe college life will be fun, but I think it's fun because you discover who you really are. You discover what you want with life. Even if you discover that what you really want in life is to climb a dangerous ladder sideways. And then you start living it.
They say that college life is some of the most fun years someone will experience. That when you are in college you meet so many knew people and accomplish so many knew things. It's very exciting to think about. So exciting that even though you're close to being there you want to get there faster.
But you also have that needling feeling like you're going to mess up. That you'll be alone. Afraid because the last time you made friends it was when you were childish enough to like someone because they let you sit by them on the bus, or gave you a piece of candy. Feeling like you might be too busy to have a life, and if you are too busy, should you care? Or should you just accept that and get through it. Feeling that you'll change again and this time it wont be for the better. Or you wont change at all and you'll stay the way you are now, and maybe that's not a good thing.
Afraid that what the stranger said was right and you're dreams really don't mater, that they're stupid, that you should do something else because it'll make you more money and you have a better chance. That you should pursue something you hate just because you're good at it.
Play it safe.
Accept that because it'll be difficult you should just quit and try to make do with what is easy. Or should I throw caution to the wind and still try. Even though in the long run it could be all for naught? Should I keep climbing the ladder sideways even though I could fall, even thought climbing sideways is more exciting, more adventurous? Even though I know it will be hard should I ignore the fact that I could fall and do it anyways because it's what I want to do?
I want to be able to say "I did" instead of saying "I tried", or worse, "I didn't try because it was too hard". I don't want to say "I settled" or "I'm not happy, but what I do is easy". I want to say "I've worked for this" and "I'm finally here".
So screw what that stranger said to me!
She doesn't know me. She doesn't know my dreams and my passions. She doesn't know what I can do and what I cant do: my limitations. She doesn't know that I've already thought long and hard about what I want to do with my life. She doesn't know that I know there are a lot of people already doing what I want to do. She doesn't know how unhappy I would be doing something just because it's easy.
She doesn't know.
She's only seen numbers on a page. She hasn't seen the way I write. Writing with passion isn't something that can be taught, or learned. Inspiring someone with words on a page is a gift not a learned talent. Talking to people and knowing the world around you, seeing the world the way I see it, cant be put on a test to be graded. It's something you have or don't have. She hasn't seen my writing and hasn't experienced the world the I do every day.
So maybe pursuing my dreams is like climbing a dangerous ladder sideways, at least I'll have fun doing it. At least if I make it to the top I'll get a standing ovation from the people who knew I could make it there, and say "I did it". And if I don't make it at least I'll be able to say "I tried" instead of wondering "what if I had?".
Maybe college life will be fun, but I think it's fun because you discover who you really are. You discover what you want with life. Even if you discover that what you really want in life is to climb a dangerous ladder sideways. And then you start living it.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Diary
September 9th, 2002
Dear Diary,
Last year we learned how to write. I'm doing pretty good the teacher says but I still get confused. I like to write in you diary but people are starting to make fun of me for bringing you around with me everywhere. Mom told me to just keep you home but I don't want my brother to steal you. He has done it before. People don't understand that when I write in you I forget why I was afraid, or why I was nervous. Life is like one big story and I get scared sometimes that someone will write the wrong thing. No body understands that i use you diary to keep me company. I don't have very many friends right now. I like to make up stories too. Instead of fighting with a bully, in you I can fight a dragon. That seems more adventurous, more fun. Instead of my brother being mean to me, in you I can take down a troll. It's not much different but it is in my eyes diary. You're not mean to me diary, you don't even talk. But with a simple story of mine I could make you talk. You could be my real life friend to talk to. That would be cool.
June 9th, 2013
Danielle read the last lines of the journal entry she wrote when she was just a little girl. Things were so much different now, and so much the same. She still didn't have very many friends, but she didn't care anymore. The friends she had were enough. It didn't really seem to matter anymore if people liked her or not. She was leaving, they were leaving. She doesn't need her diary to keep her company anymore. Her thoughts can do that.
"Danielle time to go or we'll be late," Danielle's mother called up the stairs.
It was time to go. Didn't want to be late for her own graduation. All those years of school leading up to this one moment of history. Another chapter. Another story.
There was one thing the Danielle from the Diary entry had in common with the present Danielle. She still loved to write stories. That's were her life was taking her even. She still fought dragons and trolls. She felt like she always would, too.
Dear Diary,
Last year we learned how to write. I'm doing pretty good the teacher says but I still get confused. I like to write in you diary but people are starting to make fun of me for bringing you around with me everywhere. Mom told me to just keep you home but I don't want my brother to steal you. He has done it before. People don't understand that when I write in you I forget why I was afraid, or why I was nervous. Life is like one big story and I get scared sometimes that someone will write the wrong thing. No body understands that i use you diary to keep me company. I don't have very many friends right now. I like to make up stories too. Instead of fighting with a bully, in you I can fight a dragon. That seems more adventurous, more fun. Instead of my brother being mean to me, in you I can take down a troll. It's not much different but it is in my eyes diary. You're not mean to me diary, you don't even talk. But with a simple story of mine I could make you talk. You could be my real life friend to talk to. That would be cool.
June 9th, 2013
Danielle read the last lines of the journal entry she wrote when she was just a little girl. Things were so much different now, and so much the same. She still didn't have very many friends, but she didn't care anymore. The friends she had were enough. It didn't really seem to matter anymore if people liked her or not. She was leaving, they were leaving. She doesn't need her diary to keep her company anymore. Her thoughts can do that.
"Danielle time to go or we'll be late," Danielle's mother called up the stairs.
It was time to go. Didn't want to be late for her own graduation. All those years of school leading up to this one moment of history. Another chapter. Another story.
There was one thing the Danielle from the Diary entry had in common with the present Danielle. She still loved to write stories. That's were her life was taking her even. She still fought dragons and trolls. She felt like she always would, too.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
A letter to myself
Before I write this letter I want everyone to think about this: this letter isn't about you, it's about me. Don't read it if you relate things to yourself. I didn't write it to make you angry at me, or to attack you in anyway. This isn't a veiled criticism of anyone. I don't want questions on this letter either. This is one of those things that you feel and have to express, but don't really want to talk about. After you read this.....forget you read it. And more than anything, know that this letter isn't written to you, it's a letter from myself...to me.
Dear You,
I don't like you all the time. Sometimes the things that you stand for are just not me at all. We become separate. There are sometimes you do stuff and don't even think about the way I feel. All you think about is you're own sorrow, and your own helplessness. You don't think that there are people out there that feel the way you are feeling. You're sad, I get that, I'm sad too. But that's exactly my point! I'M SAD TOO! I cried too. I cried because of the same thing. You expect to be consoled without wanting to console. We're the same, but not, because I handle the pain differently. I cry by myself, and then forget about the fact that I cry. You stop yourself from crying and then dwell on the pain. You try to forget the reason for sorrow, I remember why I cried and try to say "It'll be OK eventually". You fix the problem no matter what. I fix the problem, as long as it is a healthy fix. You try to be blind, when I try to be deaf.
Sincerely Me
Dear You,
I don't like you all the time. Sometimes the things that you stand for are just not me at all. We become separate. There are sometimes you do stuff and don't even think about the way I feel. All you think about is you're own sorrow, and your own helplessness. You don't think that there are people out there that feel the way you are feeling. You're sad, I get that, I'm sad too. But that's exactly my point! I'M SAD TOO! I cried too. I cried because of the same thing. You expect to be consoled without wanting to console. We're the same, but not, because I handle the pain differently. I cry by myself, and then forget about the fact that I cry. You stop yourself from crying and then dwell on the pain. You try to forget the reason for sorrow, I remember why I cried and try to say "It'll be OK eventually". You fix the problem no matter what. I fix the problem, as long as it is a healthy fix. You try to be blind, when I try to be deaf.
Sincerely Me
Sunday, March 3, 2013
A Series!!!!
I officially have a series!!!! Here they are:
The sight:
http://www.teenink.com/fiction/thriller_mystery/article/471530/The-Sight/
The sight #2: the daughters:
http://www.teenink.com/fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/530052/The-Sight-2-The-Daughters/
They're both great....well of course I'd say that I wrote them lol
The sight:
http://www.teenink.com/fiction/thriller_mystery/article/471530/The-Sight/
The sight #2: the daughters:
http://www.teenink.com/fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/530052/The-Sight-2-The-Daughters/
They're both great....well of course I'd say that I wrote them lol
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Wishing for a Rainbow
You know when you get sick and everything is horrible? Your back hurts, your eyes hurt, your head hurts, you say to yourself "If I have to get up today I'm going to literally fall over dead!"? Those days when you can't even do what you like to do, or eat and drink what you like to eat and drink? Where you all you can do is watch stupid show reruns that you've already seen a million times. Those days where you even wish you could be out of the four walls that surround you and go to your job or to school? What about those moments when you realize you'll never see that person that you loved. Or those moments when something so terrible happens that you start to question all humanity. Those dark times where there is no light and the darkness is so impenetrable that you almost suffocate in it? But then, after the sickness, after the darkness, after all that sorrow.....There's a little ray of sunshine; a little glimmer of color. Those are the moments everyone always wait for. The moments when, after being sick, you can actually appreciate how beautiful you really are. The moments that some random person does this amazing act of kindness, or someone new is born into the family and you can tell that that baby will be someone amazing someday. Those moments you realize that the person you lost was suffering and, wherever you believe they go after they pass, they are in a better place. The moments where you just feel amazing, like nothing can hurt you; nothing can stand in your way. Those moments are the reasons people don't give in to the sadness, into the sickness or sorrow, during those moments of darkness. The good after the bad. The light after the darkness. Life always has its ups and downs but nobody tells you how much you need both the good AND the bad. Nobody tells you that if you didn't have the good there's no way you could survive the pain. Nobody tells you that, without the bad, you wouldn't be able to really appreciate the good things in life. Without the bad you would never be able to sit and watch a sunset, or look at a rainbow and see the colors. People, like me and like you, are always waiting for that little rainbow after the storm.
-Danielle Standiford
-Danielle Standiford
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Sight (#2)
So recently I've been writing "The Daughter" which I've made into the second in the series "the Sight" (yes meaning I've made it into a series...at least a mini one). I'm not done with it yet but when I am I'll post it on here. You've probably seen my "The Daughters" that was a started a while ago but I've changed it around and made it better so....yeah. When I finish it I'll get it on this blog.
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